As a parent/guardian, what should I say to my child/youth about therapy?

1. Wait for a calm moment Don’t raise the issue of therapy when either of you is angry or upset, especially immediately following an argument or crisis. If your child gets riled up, he/she/they won’t be able take in what you’re saying. And if you’re angry, therapy will be viewed as a punishment.

2. Identify the issue Tell your child what you see that has you worried. Try, “I know you’ve been getting into a lot of fights at school,” or “Seems like you’ve been having a lot of nightmares lately.”

3. Offer compassion Tell your child you think he/she is unhappy and you want to help. For example, say “It must be upsetting when the other kids are angry at you,” or “Nightmares can be really scary. No one likes to be scared."

4. Explain therapy Once you’ve identified the issue and offered compassion, tell your child you’ve found someone who can support them. You might offer “Sometimes when a child feels scared, a lot of the time it helps to go to a person whose job it is to help kids understand their feelings and worries by talking and playing them out.

5. Don’t get discouraged This is a process! Things will not be solved overnight. There will be good sessions and difficult ones as well. Trust in your therapist. The therapeutic alliance is key.

6. Don’t “grill” your child after sessions It’s a tall order, but resist the urge to ask for reports. Questions like “What did you talk about today?” are likely to produce either silence or an answer designed to please. Let your child’s therapy be a private place, and use your meetings with the therapist to get and share information about how things are going from your perspective.

7. Remember, it is important to let the child/youth know that he/she is not in trouble, different or abnormal for seeking support from a trained therapist. Remind your child/youth that everyone, at certain points, in their lives needs extra support and that it is nothing to be ashamed of.